convicted....

So,  since arriving in Italy I have felt a stirring to share a message again that God gave me last spring about hearing from him...  well in looking through my notes from said message I was C-O-N-V-I-C-T-E-D!!!!  how have I fallen so far and not even realized it...  I was reading MY OWN TYPED WORDS (given by God) and there was so much power in them, SOOOO MUCH TRUTH, how have I let myself fall from that spot of complete submission and closeness?  WHO AM I???  No wonder I have been so incredibly stressed and agitated, no wonder I feel like i have the world on top of my shoulders, no wonder I cant get into the holiday spirit...  I am NOT and I repeat NOT  in right standing with God...  Satan is a smooth criminal...  who would have known that that message God gave me last spring would be the SAME ONE to revive me months later....  I am just a shell of the woman who wrote that.  a Shell of the woman God spoke so incredibly clearly to...  I have had little awakenings over my time here in Italy but this is like a full on FOREST FIRE!  I feel like I am FINALLY awake!  WOW....  God you REALLY REALLY work in beautiful and amazing ways!  I cant even explain this feeling, I may not even sleep tonight...  I think I will hold my own prayer concert here at home...  my LOVE for Christ and his LOVE for me has just been revived!     Repenting for my sin ( my attitude) and repent ( my action) THANK YOU AGAIN GOD for that WONDERFUL and inspiring word, and I so look forward to getting back to where we were!  OH HOW I HAVE MISSED YOU!!!!!!!!!!

break my heart

So, I have heard many times in my short christian walk (mostly in songs) this phrase "break my heart for what breaks yours"  I thought about that statement and came to the conclusion that to be more Christlike I should have my heart broken for what breaks his...  I cant keep flirting with sin even if it seems ok...  my biggest thing I struggle with is TV and what is appropriate and not...  so I prayed, GOD, BREAK MY HEART FOR WHAT BREAKS YOURS!   and I prayed that a LOT and I meant it...  well the moment it happened I knew it was happening, I could feel my hair standing up on the back of my neck and I was just nauseous,   but I fought it and watched the show anyways...  and the show got worse, and so did my discomfort...  this went on for about 4 episodes of this show and finally he broke me...there was one scene that I will NOT describe but just know that I had nightmares and woke up at least (not being dramatic here either) 10 times that night...  Acts 3:19 says "Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord"  I finally got it through my head I must A) thank God for Breaking my heart and allowing me a glimps into his pain that we cause him, and B) I MUST repent and get right with God... I did and now anytime I start to watch anything I am VERY weary as I don't want to feel like that again!  Am I saying all TV is bad...  NO however, that is where discernment comes into play...