So over my last few months I have really begun to seriously think about me... who I am, what I do and why I do it... I have discovered something... I am LAZY! If there is not an attainable goal at the end of whatever I am doing, I wont do it... here a are a few examples... After having B I lost 72 lbs in an 18 week period... WHY because I was in a competition where the winner would get cold hard cash... I took second place and what happened as soon as it was over... I started eating whatever I wanted and stopped exercising... why? because I wouldn't win anything... after about a year I managed to put back on 28 lbs.... laziness.... Training.. I have trained for and ran 7 half marathons... but once the training is over... so is my running! why not stick with it? because there is nothing I am pushing towards... So, in the last month, God has started a new work... well he was probably always doing it but I am just now allowing myself to partake... Each day our heavenly father gives us just what we need for that day... once this realization struck me, I was able to tap into that through prayer and being focused. I am working toward a better me... whether I can see what I will look like, or how I will act at the end or not. God has given me all I need for THIS day and its my job to really focus on him and partake in this gift. Through prayer and daily Bible reading I can just feel a shift in my spirit, I am much calmer, my thoughts are orderly, my family enjoys being around me and I them, relationships have been restored, my reactions to unforeseen instances are NOT what I would expect of myself, God is again at work in a mighty way in me. I have been able to stay on top of my fitness 6 days a week! not only that but I am able to even manage my food intake... loosing weight getting healthy and with no end goal other than my personal success! there are many times that I don't want to count the calories that I am eating, or that I don't want to read my bible or that I don't want to work out, but then God just whispers, "you can do this", and I do! I don't know that I have ever been so focused on anything quite like I am now. there has been a shift and I do believe this shift will have ripple effects in my life for many years to come.