Tuesday, 7 June 2011

the real battlefield...

So, if you follow my blog at all, you know I was dealing with a broken spirit earlier this week...  After much prayer and seeking after God he has made some things very clear to me!  I will share these things now...  Church on Sunday morning SHOULD NOT be the only time you are in the presence of God.  We should seek him in all we do!  I know that I am a MONSTER to be around when I do not spend time in the word (the bible) each day.  something I have been hearing a lot about since I have been away from my normal comfy surroundings is "you don't have to go to church to be a christian"  well, I use to say this ALL THE TIME, and while I still do believe it is true to an extent, Church is a place (or should be) of accountability, trust, fellowship, leaning and prayer.  I am a leaner and a lean-ee if that makes sense...  I will lean on someone when I need to be lifted up, for example I KNOW that when I am angry I WILL NOT pray...  I dont know why but its just one of the many things I am working on, so through the fellowship of attending services I have met many ladies that I can lean on in those times and I can just call them (yes from all the way across the ocean too!) and they will pray with me when I cant (or wont) on my own.  HOWEVER, these women will also make it a point to hold me accountable and at the end of our conversations and them praying for me they will ask for me to then pray before we hang up...  see this is something the Bible refers to as "Iron sharpens Iron"  we keep one another accountable and we help each other through things that we struggle with.  so I am the leaner and the lean-ee because when someone needs me I listen we pray and I will check up on them as they do me!  so where you don't need to church to be a christian, you DO need fellowship and food (a message) to get you through the hard times...  Well, really you need God to get you through the hard times but you need to have people that you can lean on...  now I am in no way saying to rush into your local church and start spilling your guts but I am saying to find a good accountability partner and also to STAY in the word as much as you can...  I was so broken earlier in the week and it wasn't until I really gave this all to God that I was able to start enjoying my time here...  One big thing I struggle with is crowds and lots of people in small areas, it makes me nervous and a little panic-y.  being around too many people at once, not getting any solace, not fellowship-ing the way I am use to...  these are all things that send me into a tail spin and wow this week has been full of each.   This is one area that I have had to completely surrender to God.  and since I have, I have had an odd sense of peace come over me in those situations.  Gods Lesson for me in this week is that the real battlefield is not in the church pews, it is in the every day...  anyways, this blog today is totally random but I felt it needed to be said so it was...  Please continue to pray for my family and I as we continue our transition. 

Friday, 3 June 2011


So we have been in the states for about 3 days now and WOW....  Satan has really done a number on me.  I had a nightmare last night That I allowed Satan to steal my Joy and then I woke up and realized it was NOT a dream....  I really had allowed him to steal my Joy.  I jumped out of bed with a completely different emotion that I cant even quite put my finger on what it was/is...  I will try to explain though.   I was Angry that I had allowed Satan to literally STEAL my Joy,  I was scared about what would happen if I let it  go on for even 1 more second, and I was / AM CRAVING Gods word and time alone with JUST him...  its kind of bizarre to me because, I haven't felt stressed the last few days, but I have been VERY annoyed, sad, getting my feelings hurt so easily,  frustrated, and then yesterday my body actually started feeling physically ill...  its kind of like I was crumbling under pressure...  I felt yesterday in a room full of people that I was all alone...  I honestly feel like an outcast, like I don't belong.  and in some ways I KNOW I don't.  In that moment yesterday when I felt all alone in a room full of people, I literally felt like all energy and happiness and love and joy was just sucked out of my body...  I just felt ugly and heavy and sad...  I think this has something to do with not being around other believers, I am so use to close intimate fellowship and transparency with other Christians that I kind of feel lost here...  well I got up this morning I read my devotional and it was all about "leaning on God"  this is something I should have done yesterday...  I know that spiritual warfare is totally real...  some of you reading this are probably thinking "this person is INSANE, what a freak"  and in your eyes I am a freak but I am not living for you my friend, I am living for God.  the attacks have been so real here its scary...  I have heard things said about other christian's that just makes me want to cry.   God is still the same God from the old testament who speaks and sometimes he does speak in visions and sometimes he is quiet and simply speaks by pulling on your heart...  I am so at a loss for the right words right now, I just know that God is doing a new work in me and apparently that scares people... I have God on my side and I actually RECEIVE this fact RIGHT NOW!  So if God is with me WHO can stand against me?!?!   I don't care what you say about me behind my back what you say about me to my face, what you think about me...  I know where I stand with God....  DO YOU??? 

Wednesday, 1 June 2011

travel, and trusting God....

So as many of you know we just left the amazing island of Guam...  we are visiting family for a month and then its off to Italy for 4 years...  well, the night before we left Eddie and I prayed together for our travels, for our stress levels, and just for things to go smoothly, and if they didn't for us to NOT freak out...  well, let me begin with saying that I did MUCH better than I ever have before and I KNOW it was all God.  there were a few hang ups along the way but I had an amazing husband at my side reminding me to give it to God.  EVERY TIME I would start to get stressed and "wiggy" Eddie would just lean over and say " didn't we just pray about this?"  and we had, and I would pray quietly again to let it go...  well, on the plane I was reading "battlefield of the mind" by Joyce Meyer, and I now KNOW FOR A FACT that Satan was just attacking my mind through all that travel.  but thanks to prompting from God I just took a step back each time and gave the thought, situation, person, attitude, or fear to God and things would just fall into place...  lets just say that this entire PCS is FULL to the brim with "God-incidence's"  How blessed am I to have an amazing husband and 2 fantastic daughters?!?!  we have amazing family all across Texas that we are visiting along the way.  so thankful for all that God has done and provided for my family and I!  

Oh and I wanted to share that while reading that book on the plane, something stuck out to me...  When we struggle with something, for me my BEST example is stress and anger (these two are like salt and pepper in my world)  anyways, when we struggle with them and pray about working through these areas in our lives but then immediately speak ill of ourselves because of these areas, we are not allowing God a chance to get in and work in those areas because our minds are already defeated...  I am now working on only saying and THINKING (every word and sin begins with a thought!)  things that line up with Gods word!  if you hear me doing other wise CALL ME OUT!!!!!!!  
Have a blessed week everyone!