Friday, 3 June 2011


So we have been in the states for about 3 days now and WOW....  Satan has really done a number on me.  I had a nightmare last night That I allowed Satan to steal my Joy and then I woke up and realized it was NOT a dream....  I really had allowed him to steal my Joy.  I jumped out of bed with a completely different emotion that I cant even quite put my finger on what it was/is...  I will try to explain though.   I was Angry that I had allowed Satan to literally STEAL my Joy,  I was scared about what would happen if I let it  go on for even 1 more second, and I was / AM CRAVING Gods word and time alone with JUST him...  its kind of bizarre to me because, I haven't felt stressed the last few days, but I have been VERY annoyed, sad, getting my feelings hurt so easily,  frustrated, and then yesterday my body actually started feeling physically ill...  its kind of like I was crumbling under pressure...  I felt yesterday in a room full of people that I was all alone...  I honestly feel like an outcast, like I don't belong.  and in some ways I KNOW I don't.  In that moment yesterday when I felt all alone in a room full of people, I literally felt like all energy and happiness and love and joy was just sucked out of my body...  I just felt ugly and heavy and sad...  I think this has something to do with not being around other believers, I am so use to close intimate fellowship and transparency with other Christians that I kind of feel lost here...  well I got up this morning I read my devotional and it was all about "leaning on God"  this is something I should have done yesterday...  I know that spiritual warfare is totally real...  some of you reading this are probably thinking "this person is INSANE, what a freak"  and in your eyes I am a freak but I am not living for you my friend, I am living for God.  the attacks have been so real here its scary...  I have heard things said about other christian's that just makes me want to cry.   God is still the same God from the old testament who speaks and sometimes he does speak in visions and sometimes he is quiet and simply speaks by pulling on your heart...  I am so at a loss for the right words right now, I just know that God is doing a new work in me and apparently that scares people... I have God on my side and I actually RECEIVE this fact RIGHT NOW!  So if God is with me WHO can stand against me?!?!   I don't care what you say about me behind my back what you say about me to my face, what you think about me...  I know where I stand with God....  DO YOU??? 

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