Sunday, 7 August 2011

falling down

So, in the last week or so, I have been having a very hard time in my walk with Christ.  I have come to the conclusion that my hard week has been cause by a few different factors.  1) Lack of reading the Bible.  (I wont lie to you people) 2) not listening to God when he is speaking.  and 3) severe spiritual attack.  now no excuses, I have usually found some time in the day to sit and focus on my reading...  as of late though, Eddie is on nights meaning I see him for all of maybe 10 minutes per day,  5 when he gets home and 5 when he wakes up and before he leaves.  (he is on 12's right now)  anyways, the girls miss their daddy (its evident) and mommy is running on FUMES...  I have found though that when my day is done and I get the girls to bed, I usually have at least 2 hours after that to do whatever and this last week "whatever" has been sitting on the couch and watching the TV...  NO GOD!   I used to do my quiet time in the morning but lately its just too hard with B wakeing up 2 and 3 times still per night.  I cant remember the last time I got a solid 8 hours...  in conjunction with the not reading the Bible, the not hearing God speak, well, even in times of chaos and stress and GO GO GO, I am ALWAYS praying, I pray in the grocery store, in bed, doing dishes, during commercial break, (dont lie you know you have too!)  in the car, ( A LOT) before dealing with my daughters bad behavior...  but what I have had trouble doing lately (due to LACK of quiet time) is to stop and LISTEN.  Satan YELLS at you so you have no problem hearing that!  God however, whispers...  I have to begin (again) taking the time dailey to see what God has for me.  the last part of thi sperfect storm of a week is and has been spiritual attack.  I have actually caught myself several times in the last week calling myself stupid.  and it started with the thought " you're stupid"  just in case you didnt know this...  satan LOVES  your mind...  he loves planting little seeds in there and watching them bloom into untamed shrubs...  my mind has been under such insane attack its un real.  I cant even count how many times I have had to rebuke thoughts in the last few days.  The sad thing in all of this is that I KNOW THIS STUFF!  I know what gets me in the pits, I know what makes me break and YET every time its like its brand new all over again...  as of rigth now I am taking a stand against Satan and not letting him even get the chance to plant these foolish thoughts in my brain..  I am sick and tired of it!  God  is and always will be the way the truth and the life. 

Jesus said to him, "I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father but through Me." John 14:6

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