For the last few weeks I have been struggling (if you follow my blog you will notice this trend). I have been feeling like there was a dis connect between me and God but I just couldn't quite pin point what it was... he would break down one wall but then I would find that there was just another bigger right behind it. this has gone on for MONTHS... and let me say ITS EXHAUSTING! I had been so lost and broken with everything going on.... never seeing Eddie because of his schedule, not getting enough sleep... having to keep the girls quiet all day OR be out of the house all day, which means no naps for Bailey... and when we are home she cant "cry it out" because Eddie has to sleep. (both options over time are VERY draining) the weather is SOOO HOT its too hot to be outside. I didnt feel like I was clicking with the PWOC ladies... A was as wild and hyper as ever.. it really was a perfect storm. and I was BREAKING under the pressure. Well last week God FINALLY got to the biggest wall yet... this one was a doosy! a friend and I were chatting on the IM thing of face book.. the conversation took a VERY deep turn, quite refreshing actually... anyhow, through this friend God was able to show me that I am simply not trusting him. Yes I do what he asks of me but once I am there I don't TRUST him to do what he put me there to do to begin with. So after that revelation, I chewed on the the realization that I really was not trusting God... I didn't like it but I chewed on it, 2 days later at church (PWOC Sunday) God spoke in a VERY real way... One of our ladies was praying and as she prayed she said something about a broken mirror. right when she said that God gave me a wonderful vision. He showed me a mirror that was perfect and a light and the lights reflection it was 1 beam of light... then he showed me a broken mirror, and a light reflecting off of it and the light just filled the whole area. in an instant God shared this all and made it VERY CLEAR that brokenness is beautiful to him. he wants us to come to him BROKEN! he cant do much with a perfect mirror but a broken mirror... WOW!
when you are in the middle of a perfect storm, remember that nothing worth doing is easy, and nothing grows with out rain.