Time Line.. God is good!

Eddie and I were speaking the other day and we realized just how God has been working in our lives now I will share this all with you!

April 2004-

I Join the Air Force

August 2004

I start going through on e of the roughest times in my life as Flashbacks from my abusive past start to take over my mind... Shop chief tries to help but Asst. shop chief does more damage than good.  I begin counsiling for PTSD

December 2004

I meet Eddie

March 2005

Eddie and I are married

May2005

we both get assignments to Turkey

July 2005

we both Get permanently decerted from PRP me for my PTSD and him - Guilty by assosiation...  our assignment to Turkey gets cancelled.

December 2005

we start trying for a baby

April 2006

we get an assignment to Guam. RNLTD Jan 2007

May 2006
we find out that we are pregnant with A. OOOPS baby is due Jan 2007 gotta push RNLTD back 2 months for passport processing.

October 2006

I seperate from the military to be a SAHM

November 2006

RNLTD gets pushed back to March 2007

January 2007

we had A (our first baby)

march 2007

RNLTD gets pushed back again due to no passport yet...new RNLTD May 2007

May 2007

We move to Guam

October 2007

I open my own business. start drinking...  a LOT.  flash backs start to come back full force.  not hanging out with good people at all.  I start to spiral out of control.   this cycle keeps going until September of 2009.

September 2009

I attend my second PWOC gathering and God gets ahold of me. 

November 2009

we think we are pregnant but neither of us want another baby.  I pray hard that if I am supposed to have another baby that God would change my heart... 

December 2009

we find out we are NOT pregnant and I am sad...  God changed my heart alright... 

January 2010

we get pregnant

January 2010

I close my business after 5 months of fighting the call to do so! Time to focus on A.

Feb 2010

we loose the baby

Feb 2010

we get pregnant again!  God is good!

May 2010

we get an assignment to Aviano Italy!  but wait that is a PRP base....   HMMM ...

September 2010

we find out that apparently the paperwork for permanent PRP decert was NEVER filed!  Eddie was just guilty because he was married to me anyways, so YAY GOD!!  Order are cut later.

November 2010

we have B

Feb 2011

Eddie is saved!

Feb 2011

God starts laying it on my heart to apply for the president position in Italy... 

March 2011

Eddie is Baptised! 

May 2011

I apply for the president position In Italy (after MUCH prayer of DO I HAVE TO???)

May 2011

we leave Guam

July 2011

we arrive in Italy and I am welcomed on as the new president for 2011-2012.

Now this may not seem like much, but WOW!!  God knew about this position here in Aviano 4+ years ago.... Even before I was a Christian!  Had we not gotten to Guam when did I may not have gone through all that I did and I may not have met the ladies I did meet that Led me to Christ..   I honestly think he placed that assignment to Turkey in our way JUST to show later how awesome he is!   God has been nothing short of amazing to me and my family!  and for anyone keep track as of Feb 2010 I have been flashback free!  God has taken away those painful flashes of a tormented life and I couldnt be happier about that!  God is so amazing and its on days like today that everything is going wrong, and yet I have Joy, OVERFLOWING JOY!  A has a stomach bug (vommitting and diareah) and B has a double ear infection...  we realized that we may have left a 200 liter pack of Gas Coupons in our hotel room when we left, (about $216.00 worth of Gas just gone!, now we will have to pay economy price about $8.00 per gallon until we can buy more on the 1st. ) my house is in shambles and yet I am still full of Joy!  God is amazing!  Just PLAIN AMAZING!! 

My cup is overflowing...

So, as I sit in out TLF (hotel room) i have been struck time and time again with Gods love.  He is just pouring out blessing after blessing on our family.  First off our leave time at home was awesome with Eddies family and with my family it allowed for some healing and some serious fun with my momma,  I have never felt so close to her, I was very sad to leave and start our new adventure.  then as time went on, God-incidence after God-incidence!  From the get go, our flights were not as bad as we had feared with the 2 kiddos.  the long hard flights they both slept the hole time!  Then a wonderful place to stay with 2 (YES 2 )bedrooms,  and as any of you who ACTUALLY know me know, I NEED my space!  we have had ladies from the chapel step up to help with rides and invite us out to eat!  we have had a home practically handed right to us, a car has been worked out, the girls are back on regular schedules, and I have been officially selected as the PWOC (Protestant women of the chapel) president for the 2011-2012 term here in Italy.  I know this position will be tough BUT, I also know that God has called me to it and I am so willing to take this on and I ask anyone that is reading this to please pray for me through the year!  God has just blessed this family so much its crazy!  I actually am a bit speechless about it!  God you have TRULY made our cups over flow, Thank you Lord for all you have given us and I pray that we would bring glory to you with and through all you have given us and entrusted us with! 

Psalm 23

A psalm of David.

 The Lord is my Shepard, I have all that I need.
 He lets me rest in green meadow, he leads me beside peaceful streams.

 He renews my strength.
   He guides me along right paths, bringing honor to his name.
 Even when I walk through the darkest valley,^[a]
   I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me.
   Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me.
 You prepare a feast for me in the presence of my enemies.
   You honor me by anointing my head with oil. My cup overflows with blessings.
 Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me
      all the days of my life, and I will live in the house of the Lord
      forever.

the real battlefield...

So, if you follow my blog at all, you know I was dealing with a broken spirit earlier this week...  After much prayer and seeking after God he has made some things very clear to me!  I will share these things now...  Church on Sunday morning SHOULD NOT be the only time you are in the presence of God.  We should seek him in all we do!  I know that I am a MONSTER to be around when I do not spend time in the word (the bible) each day.  something I have been hearing a lot about since I have been away from my normal comfy surroundings is "you don't have to go to church to be a christian"  well, I use to say this ALL THE TIME, and while I still do believe it is true to an extent, Church is a place (or should be) of accountability, trust, fellowship, leaning and prayer.  I am a leaner and a lean-ee if that makes sense...  I will lean on someone when I need to be lifted up, for example I KNOW that when I am angry I WILL NOT pray...  I dont know why but its just one of the many things I am working on, so through the fellowship of attending services I have met many ladies that I can lean on in those times and I can just call them (yes from all the way across the ocean too!) and they will pray with me when I cant (or wont) on my own.  HOWEVER, these women will also make it a point to hold me accountable and at the end of our conversations and them praying for me they will ask for me to then pray before we hang up...  see this is something the Bible refers to as "Iron sharpens Iron"  we keep one another accountable and we help each other through things that we struggle with.  so I am the leaner and the lean-ee because when someone needs me I listen we pray and I will check up on them as they do me!  so where you don't need to church to be a christian, you DO need fellowship and food (a message) to get you through the hard times...  Well, really you need God to get you through the hard times but you need to have people that you can lean on...  now I am in no way saying to rush into your local church and start spilling your guts but I am saying to find a good accountability partner and also to STAY in the word as much as you can...  I was so broken earlier in the week and it wasn't until I really gave this all to God that I was able to start enjoying my time here...  One big thing I struggle with is crowds and lots of people in small areas, it makes me nervous and a little panic-y.  being around too many people at once, not getting any solace, not fellowship-ing the way I am use to...  these are all things that send me into a tail spin and wow this week has been full of each.   This is one area that I have had to completely surrender to God.  and since I have, I have had an odd sense of peace come over me in those situations.  Gods Lesson for me in this week is that the real battlefield is not in the church pews, it is in the every day...  anyways, this blog today is totally random but I felt it needed to be said so it was...  Please continue to pray for my family and I as we continue our transition. 

Brokenness...

So we have been in the states for about 3 days now and WOW....  Satan has really done a number on me.  I had a nightmare last night That I allowed Satan to steal my Joy and then I woke up and realized it was NOT a dream....  I really had allowed him to steal my Joy.  I jumped out of bed with a completely different emotion that I cant even quite put my finger on what it was/is...  I will try to explain though.   I was Angry that I had allowed Satan to literally STEAL my Joy,  I was scared about what would happen if I let it  go on for even 1 more second, and I was / AM CRAVING Gods word and time alone with JUST him...  its kind of bizarre to me because, I haven't felt stressed the last few days, but I have been VERY annoyed, sad, getting my feelings hurt so easily,  frustrated, and then yesterday my body actually started feeling physically ill...  its kind of like I was crumbling under pressure...  I felt yesterday in a room full of people that I was all alone...  I honestly feel like an outcast, like I don't belong.  and in some ways I KNOW I don't.  In that moment yesterday when I felt all alone in a room full of people, I literally felt like all energy and happiness and love and joy was just sucked out of my body...  I just felt ugly and heavy and sad...  I think this has something to do with not being around other believers, I am so use to close intimate fellowship and transparency with other Christians that I kind of feel lost here...  well I got up this morning I read my devotional and it was all about "leaning on God"  this is something I should have done yesterday...  I know that spiritual warfare is totally real...  some of you reading this are probably thinking "this person is INSANE, what a freak"  and in your eyes I am a freak but I am not living for you my friend, I am living for God.  the attacks have been so real here its scary...  I have heard things said about other christian's that just makes me want to cry.   God is still the same God from the old testament who speaks and sometimes he does speak in visions and sometimes he is quiet and simply speaks by pulling on your heart...  I am so at a loss for the right words right now, I just know that God is doing a new work in me and apparently that scares people... I have God on my side and I actually RECEIVE this fact RIGHT NOW!  So if God is with me WHO can stand against me?!?!   I don't care what you say about me behind my back what you say about me to my face, what you think about me...  I know where I stand with God....  DO YOU??? 

travel, and trusting God....

So as many of you know we just left the amazing island of Guam...  we are visiting family for a month and then its off to Italy for 4 years...  well, the night before we left Eddie and I prayed together for our travels, for our stress levels, and just for things to go smoothly, and if they didn't for us to NOT freak out...  well, let me begin with saying that I did MUCH better than I ever have before and I KNOW it was all God.  there were a few hang ups along the way but I had an amazing husband at my side reminding me to give it to God.  EVERY TIME I would start to get stressed and "wiggy" Eddie would just lean over and say " didn't we just pray about this?"  and we had, and I would pray quietly again to let it go...  well, on the plane I was reading "battlefield of the mind" by Joyce Meyer, and I now KNOW FOR A FACT that Satan was just attacking my mind through all that travel.  but thanks to prompting from God I just took a step back each time and gave the thought, situation, person, attitude, or fear to God and things would just fall into place...  lets just say that this entire PCS is FULL to the brim with "God-incidence's"  How blessed am I to have an amazing husband and 2 fantastic daughters?!?!  we have amazing family all across Texas that we are visiting along the way.  so thankful for all that God has done and provided for my family and I!  

Oh and I wanted to share that while reading that book on the plane, something stuck out to me...  When we struggle with something, for me my BEST example is stress and anger (these two are like salt and pepper in my world)  anyways, when we struggle with them and pray about working through these areas in our lives but then immediately speak ill of ourselves because of these areas, we are not allowing God a chance to get in and work in those areas because our minds are already defeated...  I am now working on only saying and THINKING (every word and sin begins with a thought!)  things that line up with Gods word!  if you hear me doing other wise CALL ME OUT!!!!!!!  
 
Have a blessed week everyone! 

running and and quiet time, or running FROM quiet time??

So in the last month God has prompted me to really start making an effort to spend quality quiet time with him...  I will be honest and say that in the last month I have averaged about 3 days per week that this quiet time actually happens...  I think I put too much pressure on myself like "am I doing this right?"  When I do my quiet time I read my daily devotional called "hearing from God each morning" by Joyce Meyer.  its so practical!  anyhow, I read this and then I go to my bible and look up whatever the message was about today..  then I read and pray for about an hour...   then often If I am done before my little ladies wake up I shimmy right back into bed...  BAD IDEA!!  

Ok so on mornings that I dont get up and do my quiet time, the girls are basically my alarm clock.  but when I do not wake up before them I am such a crab!  I am NOT a morning person you can ask my mother and my husband...  they WILL NOT lie for me!   anyways I know that having my quiet time in the morning just makes my day go smoothly and YET I still resist!  

now onto the running...  right now my husband and I are both training for a half marathon.  it will be my 4th and his 5th one so we have done this training thing a few times now...  but for me, I now have a nursing baby..  who by the way is 6 months old and is still NOT sleeping through the night...  YIKES!  well when I get ready for my long run I always have to take into account my little bug, so typically I wake up at about 4 am and fee d her and let my body wake up and then start running by 5:00 AM.  well this morning,  she happened to wake up at about 3:30 to feed so I just laid back down when I was done nursing and set my alarm for 4:30.  THEN I snoozed it 2 times!  so now I am up and out of by dressed and off running all in 10 minutes....  all of this = NO BUENO!! 

my run this week was only 9 miles so I thought it would be fine...  not so much...  when I began running I realized that Eddies Garmin (GPS watch) was set with alarms for me to alert me when I was going too slow and too fast...  I told Eddie the night before what paces to set it at and lets just say I was a LITTLE ok A LOT off the mark!  after mile 3 I was getting beeped at every 15 seconds for running too slow!  it was just fantastic to be so annoyed on my run...  then I began to get very tired because A) I didn't let my body fully wake up and B) I started out a little too fast straight out of the gate...  so at about mile 7 I was VERY VERY Annoyed!   I began to pray "God what am I missing here?"   he gave me a vision of my morning and how quickly I rushed through it and just started running...  and then all at once it was all so crystal clear!  when I don't wake up before my girls do on a regular basis, I am miserable just as I was running this morning.  so thus the connection was made and I now have been taken down a notch and am going to really try to get up each and every morning EARLY and STAY up and spend time with God...  I don't ever want to feel like this again! 

changes

This morning during my quiet time God really got me!  Ha made something so obvious to me that I struggle with daily...  ok, so when I became a christian there were many things that God began to change in me, my attitude, my MOUTH, my patience, he began to grow me.  the thing is though, it was gradual.  it DOD NOT happen over night.  I amazes me how much I have changed HOWEVER, when I see someone struggling in an area I was once in and they are so close to "changing"  and yet they fight it (just as I did) I get SO FRUSTRATED!!  but WHY??  God was not frustrated with me at all...  he was very loving and patient with me as I let the Holy Spirit into my life to change me for the better!  I am going to make a conscious effort to LOVE EVERYONE WHERE THEY ARE AT!   God is good and often we learn the most from those times of pushing God...  or rather fighting change once we embrace change, everything is easier.  I am so thankful that God has not treated me in the way that I sometimes treat other when frustrated...  I am never mean, I just know how I feel and its not nice!  anyways, just sharing some self reflection...